In April 2016, I became a NICU and preemie mom. My first son had to be born early because I developed severe preeclampsia, which didn’t respond to any help, and so an induction happened at 32 weeks. After over a day and a half of labor with not much changing, my son was born via an emergency surgical birth, because we couldn’t keep his heart rate going. And because he had an internal monitor, it was pretty clear when we moved into emergency territory. We were raced to the surgical suite and it happened so fast my husband wasn’t allowed in the room when our first was born!
When I woke up, my blood pressure was still “too high” for the nurses to allow me out of my bed, and because my husband was balancing me plus a premature baby in the NICU, it finally took me enlisting him when I got awake and assertive enough, to demand I get a wheelchair and take the short elevator ride to the next floor up, where my baby was waiting. A baby I had only seen in a photograph!
By the time I was able to see Baby J, my husband had already held him, and so I couldn’t because they had a limit on the number of times an infant his age could be held per day. I was told I couldn’t even touch him without gloves, because of his IVs and leads, but I did. Because he was my son, my baby, and I needed to know what he felt like!
Nothing prepares you for that walk into the NICU the first time. The dark rooms, the alarms, the tiny fragile infants with wires and tubes all over! It is an overwhelming and scary thing to have a baby but not be able to hold or mother them without permission. To be told what is happening to your child, but not really have a say in what is going on.
Baby J in his second day at the NICU, when I first was able to finally hold him!
As I write this, I’m actually now the mom for four premature children, two by birth and two by adoption. They ranged from micro preemie (where they cannot even be moved when first born) to a few weeks early and born under substance use, but they’ve empowered me to see past the restrictions and expectations we were given after births and evaluations, and really show me just how preemie strong they can be!
My oldest, Baby J, at 35 weeks, after making it home from the NICU a day earlier!
If you are a preemie mom or dad, or know someone being dropped into NICU life unexpectedly, I’d like to share a few things that helped us get through the many weeks we spent in the hospital, because I know how hard it can get!
🧠 Get smart quick! Take a crash course in “Preemie” if you have a baby in the NICU for premature birth. Ask a lot of questions and make notes of the answers- the doctors, the nurses and even other NICU parents you meet. Find a support group online, and absorb the lingo and expectations of what being in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) can mean for your family.
These two books were the best ones we received out of the pile we ordered when we realized we needed to change how our postpartum life was going to start:
Preemies-
The Premature Baby Book-
Later you may want to also consider these books:
The Attachment Parenting Book
The Connected Parent*-
*this last title is especially helpful for foster or adoption situations. Please know that all titles linked are through affiliate links and our family benefits from your purchasing directly through those links!
💕Next, do not neglect your self care! This can be a situation where you feel you must live and breathe NICU life for the sake of your baby. I know it can seem impossibly hard to leave, and at times you may not be able to leave even. But when you have supports offering to help you, please use them. Take some space for yourself. Go for a walk. Go on a date. You may not feel like getting away, but in a weird way, this is the last time you can make a little time for you and your partner before you have baby home 24/7!
📚Also, make space to work through your own emotional health. This last one may be one you can pint off until later, but don’t ignore it. Especially if you went through a traumatic birth process, like I did, or because you are feeling overwhelmed by everything. A few resources I used were aromatherapy (and now I do consults on this to help other mothers!), hiking in nature, and journaling. I actually did a lot of therapy through a book my husband purchased, which I will link, but I did find professional help was necessary because I developed depression after two traumatic births so please seek help if you need it!
This book is a wonderful resource if your birth was traumatic or even just unexpected:
How to Heal a Bad Birth-
I know how hard this journey can be, so I also want you to know you CAN do this! You are so much braver and stronger than you think… and if you are, imagine how much more your child is! ~Naomi
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