I realize when I tell you 2020 was almost the year that broke me, you’ll probably think “Preachin’ to the choir, sister!” because it was a hard year for all of us…
2020 was the year I thought I would drowned, finally. And it had nothing to do with a pandemic.
I was a stay at home mom, with four kids aged four and under for a bit. The sheer number of diapers I changed was staggering, not to mention I was trying to run a business… and homeschool! I didn’t get breaks, my health was not at its best, and when I tried to talk about it, I was often met with what felt like platitude.
“This is just a hard season.”
“You’re such a great mom!”
“It won’t last forever.”
But what I really needed was someone to just come over, take my kids and say “Go sit by the lake until you feel human again!” But that someone never came…
Not until this year. When I realized I had to step up and ask for help, because what I was doing wasn’t sustainable!
But between now and early 2020, something changed to make life survivable, and I want to share that with you… because moms need our help. Whether we choose this life or not, moms need help. And if you are a mom, I SEE you. Because I’ve lived that struggle… and it is not pretty at times! Doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids to want a break from them! It makes me human!!
Last year, I had a good friend share two pieces of wisdom that have served me well:
“No.” is a complete sentence.
She could see that in a time where I was completely starting to crash & burn, I still felt obligated to try to do everything. And no one can do that! So I started declining things, events, outings, even with family, for my own sanity. And it worked! I do still struggle with feeling like I need to explain myself, but my rate of not participating with no explanation has steadily increased with practice. If you are on the verge of the “overwhelmed” cliff, try saying no to something today! You might be surprised at how freeing it is!
Her second piece of advice was…
“Just fold the socks.”
“Just fold the socks!” gave me a chance to achieve a task each day, and feel accomplished about something! No matter how small!
It sounds weird, but what she had asked me was what household chore did I need to accomplish daily to feel like I had “done something”, and I said “Fold Sam’s socks.” because my husband works very hard, and he likes having clean socks available. He sometimes uses 2-3 pairs a day, and he would occasionally get frustrated to have to dig through six piles of laundry to find them!
So she gave me permission to consider the laundry done for the day, if I could at least fold his socks!
My husband, enjoying our Fathers Day BBQ with our youngest. He goes through a LOT of socks. And we still love him.
For months, the only thing I folded was his socks! In fact, sometimes he would put away the rest of the laundry!
I’m giving you radical permission to do the same in your life… if you can’t do it all (again, who can?!) then you pick something and each day you do the HECK out of it! You check it off & you be proud you did it!
If these things don’t apply to you, maybe you can find a mom or a woman who needs to hear these words. Who can be healed by knowing she’s going to be okay, and to feel heard in knowing she isn’t the only person feeling this way. Because as women, we can & should do better in lifting each other up!
I’m here for you! ~Naomi
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