Yesterday, my husband Sam & I celebrated 15 years of marriage.
I joked about writing a blog post about 15 reasons we almost haven’t stay married, but to be honest, it’s never been an option to not be together. We are ironed together in a way that some people just don’t even get. Meant to be, and both too stubborn to ever quit on the other.
Sam & I together up on Lake Michigan, our happy place
But here are a couple pieces of wisdom I always impart when someone asks me what the secret to a good marriage…
Care about each other’s hobbies and interests! There’s definitely a time to take breaks and have some “alone” time, even inside a marriage, and it’s okay to have your own private hobbies, like drinking Starbucks while walking through an almost empty Target store… but there’s also something really fun about sharing things! And if you don’t have a hobby, create one together! My husband and I started hiking together and now it is a lifelong pursuit of our entire family.
Take dates together, and also breaks from each other! At first, I couldn’t imagine not wanting to spend every moment with “my Sam”, but as life as progressed, and we’ve added children, I see how essential it is to have time away to just unwind & think. It allows me to be a better wife & mother!
Learn not to care what others’ think about your marriage. My husband is very private, and he only gets on Facebook maybe once a month, usually to share a wry observation about the general state of the world. There are people who have assumed because he doesn’t post or comment on my page, he must not care… which is absolutely not true. But I’ve also learned I simply don’t care what others assume. You cannot see what is actually going on in a marriage via social media. And honestly, there’s something special about having a private relationship that others just don’t “see”.
Have inside jokes! We have jokes dating back to our first year of meeting & marriage, and it gives a way to reminisce while still being silly! Make those a part of the sacred friendship you… whether it’s a night in a horrible motel room you can ever forget, or a goofy billboard that you kept seeing over the years that became a family slogan!
Make time for intentional conversations to dig deep. There are definitely times when we live life in survival mode (being a foster family comes to mind, and the year we went through losing my best friend & Sam’s two youngest sisters within weeks of each other, plus the year I almost died giving birth to our youngest) but when life starts to get back on track, find time to dig deep again. Make sure you remember what glued you together in the first place, and talk about the ways you’ve changed and grown.
Learn your love languages! If you’ve never heard of the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman, I highly recommend it as both a spouse & a parent. Knowing how to make someone feel loved on their own terms is a great asset in any relationship, but especially important in a marriage & partnership!
I’d love to hear what you’d add to this list! And how long you’ve been married!
~Naomi
PS: If you missed all my announcements about it, the 15% off sale is going on through tomorrow (Sept 26th) if you had any fall things you needed to order! Don’t miss out!
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